How many of us in the AuDHD community have heard phrases like, “You talk too much”? Or have you been told, “Your feelings are too intense”? Maybe you’ve heard, “You care way too much. It’s not that deep”? If that resonates with you, remember, you’re not alone. These remarks have been part of our shared experiences, shaping our journey and strengthening our bond. Shaping our journey and strengthening our bond.
Elyse Myers said, “If I’m too much for you, go find less.” That’s a powerful statement to hold onto! Remember, you’re not too much; you are just perfectly you. Embrace who you are!
Breaking Down the Myth of “Too Much”
The way we hear things from schools, work, and society really shapes who we are and how we see ourselves. Those messages play a huge role in how we think about success, our self-worth, and where we fit into the community.
Schools influence us through our interactions with classmates and the lessons we learn. At work, the culture sets certain expectations we’re meant to meet. And then there’s society, with media and cultural conversations telling us how we “should” act. This complex web of experiences shapes our worldview. It creates inner conflict when our personal values clash with these outside pressures.
For neurodivergent folks, including those of us with autism or ADHD, and those in creative and queer spaces, this struggle can feel even more intense. We face unique challenges that impact how we engage with the world around us.
We are often told to “tone down,” “shrink,” or “professionalize” our writing—especially in formal or professional environments where the goalposts keep moving and the rules seem unwritten. For example, you might be told that using conversational tone or vivid metaphors is unprofessional, even though those same traits are celebrated in creative or marketing spaces.
This contradiction can leave us second-guessing ourselves at every turn. It feels like our true selves aren’t entirely accepted in those spaces. This pressure can push us to change how we speak, our body language, or even the specific words we use, all to fit into a traditional idea of professionalism.
This advice might aim to create a consistent vibe. However, it often stifles our creativity. It limits our personal expression and leaves us feeling excluded and frustrated. Ultimately, it sends the message that our unique viewpoints and traits aren’t valued as much as conforming to someone else’s expectations.
Reality Check: You’re Not Too Much
Let’s be real: you haven’t failed; you just don’t fit into the traditional mold they expect. Your originality doesn’t match their strict guidelines, but that doesn’t take away from your worth. In fact, it’s your uniqueness that makes you invaluable. Embrace who you are! Genuine success comes from being true to yourself, not from trying to meet someone else’s unrealistic expectations.
Many places, such as jobs, schools, or social circles, reward uniformity. They often favor those who play by the set rules. This can make it hard for creative or eclectic ideas to stand out. This focus on sameness can really stifle creation and delay growth. It’s as if we’re stuck battling outdated patterns that hold us back from truly flourishing.
Realizing this can be empowering. It’s a reminder that there’s always space for personal growth, rather than thinking there’s something inherently “off” about how you fit into the world.
View Algorithms Playfully
Think of algorithms as handy tools—efficient, yes, but limited. Like a ruler trying to measure emotion, they’re great at sorting patterns but terrible at grasping nuance. When we let them dictate how we express ourselves, we risk flattening our complexity to fit a formula. That’s not authenticity—it’s approximation. They analyze data by spotting specific patterns. These patterns help us decide what to include or leave out. They follow strict rules to process information, making sorting and categorization more efficient. This can lead to some incredible results in fields like machine learning and data analysis. Still, it falls short of capturing the richness of human experience.
You operate in a much more profound system. While others might find it hard to grasp the nuances of emotion or the depths of feeling, you get the complex tapestry of human life. That understanding is incredibly valuable as you navigate relationships and interactions.
Why This Matters: Empowerment and Authenticity
This isn’t just about feeling ‘misunderstood’—it runs much deeper. It’s about the exhaustion of constant masking, the quiet grief of being told to shrink, and the isolation that comes from feeling fundamentally unseen. These experiences shape how we connect with others and how we view our place in the world. It’s about the real fight for distinction in a world that often judges us based on shallow beliefs. These include the need to conform to a certain communication style or the pressure to suppress our intense emotions. It’s about navigating the complexities of our identities and that strong desire for authentic connections that go beyond just trends.
We need to reclaim our space and identity in a society that often pressures us to fit in. This is a powerful statement: we refuse to shrink ourselves to meet narrow expectations. Instead, we’ll stand firm in our individuality and honor every part of who we are. One way to do this is by setting boundaries and asserting our unique perspectives in conversations and interactions.
Let’s make it a point to occupy our space with intention—a kind of living declaration that we belong here, just as we are. Share your thoughts and feelings with confidence. Remember, you absolutely have the right to be here, to take up space loudly, proudly, and authentically. Stand confidently in your space, and let’s thrive together in our true selves!
When did you realize you weren’t ‘too much’—they just weren’t built for your magic? Share your moment of clarity below.
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